If You Give A Winter Soldier A Cookie
by Maiden of The Bear Spear
Summary: Black Widow finds out the hard way that keeping the Winter Soldier from bolting is more bizarre than she thought.
1. Chapter 1

All rights belong to Marvel

A sequel to Black Widow Kills Santa

If You Give A Winter Soldier A Cookie

"Will you marry me?"

"It seems to me you propose to person _after_ greeting them."

"Known you too long for unecesscary greetings, Natalia," Barnes replied good naturedly.

All she wanted to do was lure the Winter Soldier in, not have him propose to her.

"A simple hello and some conversation would do."

"Hello, these cookies are good, will you marry me Natalia, your cooking is wonderful." Apparently, Bucky had gained the abilty to converse more than three words. Or, it could have been the cookies that got him speaking.

"Hhhmm, these are good ," Barnes stated, consuming the twelth maple bacon cookie since since arriving.

"You just said that."

"The truth is the truth."

Within minutes of putting the cookies in the oven, he appeared out of nowhere. Apparently his serum enhanced sense of smell caught a whiff from wherever he was observing her. The cookies worked, all too well.

The fifth time he had proposed to her was after the eighth maple bacon delight. "Oh, wait we already did. Was the wedding in '87, or '68? Do you remember?" But she merely ignored him, wondering into the next room.

"So, where have you been?" She hollered from the dining room, pulling plates from the cupboards.

"Oh, here and there."

"Specifics, Buck," she returned to the room in time see him visably wince as she pulled away the remain maple cookies away from him and onto a plate. Obviously, the name did bode well with him, in her attempt to gain familarity. Another monoker would have to do, she mused. It came to her when he tried to commander another maple bacon cookie from the plate. "Yasha!" The wooden spoon smacking his right hand before he even pulled the cookie away.

"You already had a dozen of those maple monstrousities. Let us save some for later."

"You had one before I did, that's when I knew the batch weren't poisonous then."

"I had to see if the cookies tasted fine, before putting them out ."

Barnes scoffed, clearly seeing through her deception. He knew her far too well to be easily deceived. Bucky Barnes, Steve's best friend and her former mentor Yasha, was strangely enough the same person.

"No!" Natalia held the spoon, ready to attack. The Winter Soldier meekly retracted his hand away from the plate and took a lemon bar instead.

"It could do with a bit more lemon," he added, finishing off a lemon bar.

Well, she thought, Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, WWII vet, assassin, and taste tester extraordinare. It was Clint's recipe, but he could not possibly know that.

Barnes gave her a knowing stare. In his metal hand was the recipe card, labeled: Hawkeye's Legendary Lemon Bars.

Natalia took a lemon bar and bit into it. The pastry lacked the tangy kick to qualify as a good lemon bar.

"You're right, it needs more lemon."

But there was still no way she was going to spend the holidays cooped up in a stuffy kitchen.

"I'm not making anymore batches after this one, so it doesn't matter."

Yasha gave her a look that clearly bespoke, I think not.

Two hours later, Natalia knew baking was integral if she wanted him to stay any longer. Yasha was eyeing all possible escape routes. And even though she had guarded the plate fiercely, all the maple bacon cookies has disapeared. The man looked at the lemon bars as if they were laced with cyanide.

Worse off, he had that look his eye, as if he was mentally preparing for a mission. She had a fairly good idea of what, or, precisely, who he is after. Fortunately, Clint was living half way across the country, not in the neighborhood down the street.

"Can you make any more of those cookies?"

"No, I baked all of the mixes, - But I can buy some more," she blurted out, halting his movement out of the chair.

" - you have to come with me."

Barnes bore a expression of disbelief. " You want me to go shopping with you?"


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Black Widow and The Winter Soldier going Christmas shopping: a story for the ages.

No one is to know about this- no one. Especially not Stark.

Natalia knew it was bad idea even before leaving the house. Bucky Barnes in a superstore during the holidays could turn out horribly far, far too easily. She did not want to drag him about in a store crammed with people who were ruthless and shouting. She didn't even want to go in there herself. Especially after the Santa debacle.

There was veritable reason for bringing Barnes along. The best way to keep him from bolting was to have him at her side at all times. If she left him at home, there was no telling if and when he would bolt. Here, she could drop everything and chase after him. That, or threaten to not bake anymore cookies. There had been no choice in the matter.

Brightly colored was the key here for the disguise. His hair was tucked into a beanie and a colorful scarf wrapped artfully around his neck. A combination of long coat sleves and long gloves covered the metal hand sufficently. Now, he looked less like a dangerous assassin and more like a hipster.

When they pulled out of the driveway, he studied the neighborhood with an intensity usually reserved for scoping out the lay of the land for missions.

" Why do you not have any Christmas lights? All the other houses in the neighborhood are covered with them. You need to blend in, without any decorations the house stands out."

"I know, I know, just too busy."

Yasha raised his eyebrows, clearly seeing though her weak excuse.

"I will put them on, then." Which clearly meant she would have to help him. Of the two, Natalia had more experience with Christmas lights, which is not saying much. Not a way the assassin wanted to spend an afternoon.

It was soon obvious mission: decorate the house for Christmas was underway with a force.

When they arrived at the entrance, he immeadiately took a cart and started throwing boxes of christmas treelights into it. Only half of the boxes were placed back on the shelves.

The santa was blessedly gone without a replacement.

The people working the registers watched her with a weary distain, as if she going to blow up the inflatable santas.

That was impossible. She left behind her all explosives at home.

It was only until they were out of the garden center did Barnes speak.

"Natalia, what have you done?"

Natalia Alianovna Romanova would forever rue the moment she gave the definition of 'kitsch' to Bucky Barnes. Also, when she told him her cover, Rachel Macgoyan, had a kitsch style would be a source of regret. He translated it as buying the most tacky as possible Christmas clothes.

"Aren't those kitschy?" he asked, gesturing towards two pairs of black leggings hanging on a rack. One bore the print of rainbow snowflakes and the other had alternating rows of pixelated Christmas lights and hearts on it. Upon futher study she peered at them, the boxiness was to give the design an appearance of knit sweater.

"No," shaking her head with resolution. " Too flashy."

"Natalia."

He bore an expression that she had learned at thirteen not to disobey.

Sighing, she pulled ones in her size off the rack and put them in the cart.

"Do want me to invite Steve over?"

"No," he paused, then added, "don't want to share the cookies with him."

Striding towards the kitchen, she knew Barnes would be there, watching the oven. He had been there since after they came in from was some hope in managing to pull him away to watch some Christmas specials before the timer went off for the cookies.

"You look nice, Natalia." She huffed, being as the getup was all his idea. Her outfit was a Christmas sweater and the leggings Barnes managed to convince her to buy in the store. Actually, the outfit didn't look awful, but better than she expected. Not that she would admit it.

"I was wearing it outside."

"You looked nice in it then."

At least there was no one to see her in it now, Barton would never let it down.

A knock echoed from the front door. Warily, she looked into the peephole. Spoke too soon.

Unlocking the door, she swung it open, placing a smile on her face that was at least somewhat sincere.

"Why, Steve, Sam, how good it is to see you. What brings you to my part of the neighborhood?"


	3. Chapter 3

Happy Christmas

CHAPTER THREE

"I cannot believe this!" furious, he repeated, "I cannot believe this! You mean, all this time while I have been with Captain America for his friend, he was here with you, eating maple bacon cookies!"

"Not the whole time -," she corrected, but Sam Wilson refused to monologue he started working on since he heard of Bucky's whereabouts.

"I mean, I had spent three weeks in Russia in winter. Three weeks in the winter! And that two- day stay in Milwaukee was worse!"

" Try decades." Wilson ignored that.

"-Only to find you two baking and wearing matching ugly Christmas sweaters. What? Have you gotten married?"

"Once in '89," Bucky hesitated, " or was is '68?" He said glancing back at her. Natalia shrugged in reply.

Steve said nothing, gave her the sad golden retriver look. "What? He told me not to tell you, and if I went against his wishes, he'd be long gone by the time your plane touched down." Alas, she would have nothing to show for, only missing a lot of maple bacon cookies.

He nodded," I know, that's why we showed up in suprise. We didn't want him to leave before I saw him again, and perhaps convince him not to run. " Turning to to face his friend from so long ago, he asked, "So are you going to stay, or run, since now I'm here ?"

The dark haired man remained silent for a few moments, then replied, "Run."

Seeing Steve's face face fall, he gave lopsided smile. "-To get eggs, you punk," nudging the blond's shoulder with his fist.

"Why does this cookie have a spicy afterburn taste to it?"Sam asked, eating the aforementioned pastry.

"special ingredient: southwestern flavored liquid egg."

"Yeah, it's great to use with gingerbread."


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

The Winter Soldier took a gulp out of his mug, instantly sputtering and hissing.

"What is that?" Reacting as if she had him given poison.

"Peppermint coffee."

"So they have defiled coffee in the last seventy years."

"So the Winter Soldier can't stand peppermint coffee."

He paused, studying the contents of the mug.

"Let's give it to Steve."

"ppppppppppppptttttttaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh." Steve's face was one of total disgust, squinting and his tongue hanging out, as it was too contaminated to return to his mouth.

He out did Barnes' reaction by _leagues_.

"What is that horrid abomination? "

"Peppermint Coffee."

"Tastes worse than medicine."

He looked at her as if she betrayed America.

"Why would you make drink that nasty stuff."

Before Barnes could stop her, Natalia blurted out," It was his idea actually."

Steve's expression was one who had experienced the utmost betrayal.

"Bucky, I thought you were my friend, that you were with me to the end of the line, remember?"

"She gave it to me before you. I thought I'd pass it on."

"Jerk."

"Punk."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

"PPPPRRRRRRRTTTTTT-rrrggggghhhhh!" The electric knife sputtered against the turkey, but to no avail. Only the skin of the turkey was cut and the Stark device left a faint indentation on the actual turkey.

"THRUM-THRUM," Bucky's metal hand tapped threateningly, voicing its owner's impatience. Ironically, Natalia's flashing earrings matched the staccato of his tapping fingers. The earrings were flashing Christmas lights. Sitting side by side, with matching bored stares, the former assassains were menacing, even in Christmas regalia.

Stark, upon hearing of the reunion at Black Widow's house, demanded they come have Christmas dinner at Stark tower. The only matter was, Stark had of it after Christmas, but still insisted they have Christmas dinner with him, even though it was not december twenty-fifth.

So here they were, watching Tony attempt to cut the turkey with the electric knife, with other Avengers and friends. In fact, the group had watched him try to cut the turkey for the last fifteen minutes. The food, cooked by a chef, had cooled. Pepper, knowing better, had pulled out a tablet to wait it out until Tony admited defeat.

Tony, on his third electric knife, was not yet willing. Embarassed he'd been out christmased by two ex-Russian assassains, the billionare stubbornly kept at the turkey.

Steve, however, was regreting his choices. Between waiting and keeping Bucky from threating with staring, it clearly was not worth the pain. When Tony had offered a post-Christmas meal, he accepted it immedately. Christmas dinner had been a Russian affair. Black Widow's cooking was good, excellent even, but not for Christmas. He had been hoping for some ...American cuisine, but his hopes deflated when he saw the food on the table. None of the food looked familar to him, too gourmet.

Bucky was irritated over the wait for the turkey and the fact Hawkeye had the other seat next to Natalia.

Clint was here for the grub. Annoying Bucky was an welcome addition.

In a blur, Bucky stole the plate of turkey from Stark with his metal arm. Before Tony truly noticed what occurred, Barnes whipped a knife from out of nowhere and began slicing. Within the the turkey was served and everyone had their plates filled.

Stark begrudgingly jabbed at his turkey, disapointed Barnes stole the honor of cutting the turkey. Steve too, poked at his plate. The turkey was dry as sawdust. His assumptions of sides were correct, they were cold and too bizarre for his tastes.

Hawkeye plowed through his food with gusto. He'd had worse.

Natalia asked something to Barnes in Russian, he only grumbled a reply as an answer. Tony, noticing this, asked, "JARVIS, can you translate that?"

"Yes, sir, Miss Romanoff asked Sergent Barnes if he had properly sanitized his knife before cutting the turkey."

Instantly, plates were pushed away in protest. Steve was relieved at not having to eat any more of that awful food. Everyone made their excuses in needing to be somewhere else, and that is how the first 'Avengers' Post-Christmas Christmas Dinner' ended.

Standing at the curb of Stark Tower, Steve made a mental note of asking what the Wilson holiday parties were like to Sam. He wisely had went off to his parents' place before Christmas. At least, they must have sweet potatoes?

"It seems we were deprived of a decent meal. Steve, isn't that place we ate at before I left for the war...still there?"

"Sure is," Steve replied.

"Good. Natalia, the only food you can cook is borscht, so lets go enjoy some American food tonight."


End file.
